I wish I was the type of bride who can’t stop giggling and smiling and talking about my lush wedding approaching. I wish I was the kind of bride who is on top of everything from the flowers to the jewelry I’m going to wear. I’m just not that bride, and it bugs me. I remember a few years ago in my graduate program, a girl was just weeks away from getting married so I asked her if she was excited about it. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Yeah…I guess so.” At first I thought it was super weird and uncomfortable that she showed zero excitement, but now that I’m in the process myself, I can’t help but think, “Dude…same.”
I’ve been having my fair share of bridal emotional moments and I can’t hang. It mostly had to do with the dress.
Since I couldn’t bring my dream dress from the US to the UK, because it would have been crazy expensive to ship and I would have had to pay a buttload of custom tax on it, it would have been cheaper and easier to just sell it and buy a new one. But I had less than two months to find a replacement dress on a next-to-nothing budget.
I found a beautiful wedding skirt online from an actual bridal shop based in London, so I knew I was getting a good quality, and the only thing left was to find a cheap top and cheap shoes and I would be good to go. I still needed the dress hemmed, so the first time I went to the seamstress, I didn’t have shoes yet. I told her, “No big deal. Just hem it where my feet are and maybe add an inch and I can find shoes to go with the length.” She said NO WAY, COME BACK WITH SHOES.
I come back with shoes and a top from Zara, put the whole thing together and realize the top doesn’t really match my skirt. Cue inner panic since my wedding is in like, 2 weeks. The seamstress and the assistant agree, the top doesn’t match. They make suggestions and tell me to come back with the new top the following week.
So, as my insecurities rise up in my throat, I walk through Fenwick’s trying to find a new top with tears streaming down my face. This was the only thing popping into my mind as I ugly-cried through the racks of clothes.
I luckily found a top that matched, went back to the seamstress a third time, and she finally measured the hem of my dress.
The assistant says, “Is that what you’re wearing for an undergarment?”
The lump rises in my throat again. “Yes…why?”
“Just wondering…what do you have for a bouquet?”
I hadn’t thought of the bouquet yet, but instead of informing them of that so that they can make me feel shittier about this whole situation, I just said I haven’t picked it out yet but I plan to use fake flowers.
And this is the point where I wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. I hauled ass out of there, and picked up my dress just a few days later. They asked if I wanted to try it on and I said hell nah, paid, and left. I’m sure it looks great.
I get married in two days, and I have my moments when I can’t wait, and other moments where I want the week to be over so that things can settle down now. So if there are other brides out there like me, you are not alone.
I feel ya.