I’m officially a married woman! The day was perfect with an amazing photo shoot on the beach, wobbly legs and nerves for fear of saying my vows wrong, a surprise wedding cake coordinated by my mother at the local inn, and a bar fight between a drunk mother and her husband, so overall, it felt like a real blow out wedding!
But this post won’t have much to do with my wedding, and more to do with this facebook group I’m a part of called Girls Love Travel. I have a love/hate relationship with this group because I LOVE the pictures of all these different places to travel to, and it gets me excited to make my 2020 plans. But I also hate it because apparently this is also the place where women like to shit on men. Maybe it’s a solidarity thing but it’s starting to get real old.
A couple of examples…
A woman named Trisha moved to Saudia Arabia for a job, and her American husband named Bob followed. Bob dropped his career and life in the US to be with his wife (naturally) who became the bread winner of the family. It took him close to a year to find a job, and once he did, he finally felt settled in his new home. However, Trisha got promoted to a new job in the US, which would essentially set them up for life. But of course, this requires them to move again and Bob didn’t want to. He already felt lost and confused being in a new country, and now has to start all over again. Granted, he would be back in his home country and things might be easier for him, but he essentially is putting his career on hold for approximately 2 years or more due to moving. Trisha posted this story on Girls Love Travel asking her fellow ladies for advice because she felt it was a no brainer to take the job, but wanted to make her husband happy as well.
Some of the comments looked a little something like this:
“Just go! If he doesn’t follow, then oh well…”
“I hope you don’t have children because this guy sounds like an asshole and you’re better off without him.”
“If he can’t support you, then call it quits.”
My reaction to these comments:
Yeah, Bob is such a dick for dropping everything and moving to the other side of the world to be with his wife.
What the hell is wrong with everyone? No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. Like, I get it, traditionally it’s the man who gets the promotion and the women are expected to follow, but hi, you’re married. You signed up for that. You can’t just be like, “Eh…but I don’t feel like moving so why don’t we just call it a day. We had a good run.” And yet, here we are, in a world where women are conquering more and more everyday and we still have that attitude like, “Well, I’m going because I deserve it so you can stay if you want…whatever.” Honestly, I understand both sides. Bob should realize that this promotion would be wonderful because it would give him time to get settled and find his job in the US, which will be a hell of a lot easier than Saudia Arabia. But at the same time, I understand the emotional and financial strains of moving from one place to another and never feeling “settled”.
Sadie is Canadian and met a handsome British man. They had been dating for a few months and she wanted to move to the UK to be with him. This, of course, meant dropping her job/career and starting over. She was an EMT, and she was worried about finding a job because she was interested in a career change because her British man didn’t like the emotional stress put on her during her EMT work. She was looking into visa options (and Canadians seem to have more options in that department than other countries), and many people suggested a fiance/spousal visa as that is typically the easiest.
Some of the comments looked a little like this:
“He wants you to find a new career path!?! Girl, this has so many red flags it’s disturbing.”
“Never ever ever move for a man. Why can’t he go to Canada??” Hypocritical much??
“Please don’t get married for a visa. This is a terrible idea.”
“This guy sounds controlling as fuck.”
My reaction to these comments:
This one hit home for me because the comments felt like they were personally attacking my husband. I actually wrote back to this girl defending the poor bastard because so many women were just shitting on him for no reason, claiming Sadie was the one who had to drop and risk everything by going and he didn’t have to sacrifice anything.
I beg to differ. He has to sacrifice a wholeeeee lot in order for her to come as his dependent. He has to make sure he can support her during her stay since she won’t be able to work right away. He has to find them a place to live. He has to handle all of the bills because she won’t be able to…even something as small as a phone plan because she won’t have any credit yet in this country. The fact that he’s willing to do all of this just to have her here speaks so much about his character and love for her, that I hardly think he’s an asshole. As for the career change, he didn’t feel comfortable with her working as an EMT because he say what it did to her mentally. That’s called “looking out for your partner’s well-being.”
I sometimes wonder if I’m just going crazy. But let’s not forget, not every man is the spawn of Satan.