Help! I’ve seem to have gone back in time…

Feel free to read this whole story and tell me if I’m overreacting, or if, you too, would be a tad confused. During the visa process, Mr. LJ and I were part of a group on Facebook specifically for people looking to get a fiancé visa for the UK. It was filled with posts on questions about the application, and approximately how long it took for others to get a decision.

Mr. LJ noticed a guy, around the same age, comment on something, and Mr. LJ was able to determine the guy was from Sunderland, just a town over from us. Turns out, the guy is looking to have his American fiancé come over, which I was very excited to hear. Mr. LJ suggested I reach out to her because it would be nice to have some like-minded friends.

I sent her a message, and although I no longer have it, it read something like this: “Hi ____! My fiancé saw that you’re planning to move to Sunderland which is right next to us! I just want to say welcome, and if you have any questions about the area, just let me know. Adjusting can be really hard so anything you need at all, just give us a shout.”

About a week passed, and she finally responded, which I know has to do with the fact that we weren’t FB friends so it was stored in the mystery inbox. She responded with something like this: “Hello! I’m so sorry for the late response! I didn’t see this right away. Thank you so much, this message made me so happy! I really appreciate it! I’m definitely looking forward to coming over there.”

I responded back to her asking a few questions like: “Have you been here before and spent some time in Newcastle? The people are really nice, but since there are not a ton of American tourists, it can be challenging to adapt but I’m happy to meet up and show you some cool places!” She read it, but never responded.

I thought, Eh, no big deal. Maybe she’s just bad at Facebook.

A couple of weeks pass by, and we are at a family party. My SIL’s boyfriend, John, mentions he has a good friend in Sunderland who is going through the same process we did. We immediately knew who he was talking about and we confirmed names. Apparently, John and my SIL are going to their wedding. We laughed about it, and thought about how it was such a funny coincidence. I sent another message to the girl along with a friend request.

My message read: “Really funny story! Turns out we know your fiancé’s best friend, John. He’s dating my SIL and they plan to go to your wedding in February. What a small world!” I also kind of figured since we have a personal connection to her, she might be more keen on meeting me.

She read that message, and once again, never responded.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt again and figured she’s just bad at FB. EXCEPT SHE’S NOT.

Not long after that, Mr. LJ sees that she’s posting in the UK Facebook group. So she seems to know how to work it, she’s just blatantly ignoring me.

Did I come on too strong? Did I come off creepy? Honestly, I felt the few messages I sent her were pretty normal. And now she’s left a bad taste in my mouth when I was just trying to be nice.

Unfortunately for me, she keeps popping up everywhere. She posted in the Girls Love Travel page explaining how she’s now in the UK and would like advice on where to go and what to see in her area. A few local people commented and she offered to hop on a bus to meet them, and I’m sitting here like:

I honestly can’t think of the last time I had to deal with this. This is so Middle School and it’s weirding me out. I’m just kind of ignoring it for now. She clearly has no interest in meeting me or talking to me, and Mr. LJ seems more peeved by it than I am. She keeps posting in the UK group asking for advice and Mr. LJ is like “But…she could have had that advice at her finger tips because you offered willingly…”

The awkward thing though is that even though it is unlikely, there is a still a very small chance I could meet her by accident due to my connection to her fiancé. I wouldn’t doubt that a greeting is in store for us in the future, so here are my options:

A.) “Hi! I’m sorry, what’s your name again? You’re from the US too?” —> Just kind of pretend that she’s not clicking with me and start our acquaintance over.

B.) “Oh yes! That’s right! You’re from the FB group I believe!” —> Acknowledge that I know of her and where, but don’t acknowledge the messages she has so kindly ignored.

C.) “Hi ___! Yes, I believe we had a couple of messages a while back.” —> Completely call her out.

What would you do?

8 thoughts on “Help! I’ve seem to have gone back in time…”

  1. I would do B. I would give her the hint that she is forgotten. Out of site, out of mind. If you come on to strong she may be the type that sees that as a victory. I’m getting the impression she’s the type you may not want to be around anyway. We can learn a lot about a person by the way they respond. Or in this case, ignore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I agree, she’s kind of given me a weird vibe from the start that I’m not too interested in going out of my way to welcome her any longer. It doesn’t so much bother me as it confuses me. I haven’t dealt with something like this in my 20’s. But since she clearly has no interest in speaking with me, then she’s doing me a favor haha

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a weird predicament. Maybe she just likes to get notifications on Facebook and that’s why she prefers to keep posting questions instead of asking you. Or maybe she doesn’t want to dive too quickly into a new friendship. I have no idea. Facebook groups are strange to begin with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right?! Her behavior is just so odd but I think you’re right. I had a strange sense that she likes to portray this image of herself and post it in these groups to strangers rather than make actual connections. I probably would have been a balled up depressed mess if it weren’t for some of my American friends who lived in the area to help me. I was actually part of a group called American Women in the UK and I left after a week because it was awful. The women were so nasty to each other I couldn’t handle it, and every other post they were complaining about their partners haha

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Weird! I don’t understand why she is posting & wanting to meet random people but, not you? None of your messages sounded too strong at all. I would do C, totally call her out if I ever saw her.

    Liked by 1 person

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